


yearning for you

by cherrychoke



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Confessions, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Plot/Plotless, it's sappy yearning, light gay panic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23409346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrychoke/pseuds/cherrychoke
Summary: sehun can't stop thinking about him, can't stop thinking about kissing him.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 14
Kudos: 103





	yearning for you

‘Some things are only meant for wondering.’

That’s how Sehun got rid of his developing crushes, focused on things which were more important — like his studies, his small part-time job. He rarely had crushes on girls, and they too evaporated way too quickly after confessing.

But for some reason, thinking ‘don’t wonder’ doesn’t seem to work when he’s with Kim Junmyeon.

Sehun’s mind wonders and wonders and he  _ yearns. _ He looks at Junmyeon’s perfect face, wonders if he’ll ever cup his cheeks. Junmyeon’s hand fits perfectly with his, and that’s upsetting because his head goes: will his lips fit so perfectly against mine? Does he mind —  _ like? _ — tongue while kissing?

The thought of kissing Junmyeon is recurring, makes Sehun’s sleep vanish, leaving him sleepless through many nights. Because Junmyeon is right there, with him, in the same room. Sleeping peacefully with a bunny in his curled arm. 

Sehun wants to brush Junmyeon’s hair from his forehead, press a little encouraging kiss there, when Junmyeon’s eyebrows furrow with worry over his college work. But he’s gotten only as far as holding Junmyeon’s hand in public now. No longer confined to the safety of their dorm room.

The thought of kissing Junmyeon first occurs to him when Junmyeon is holding hands with Baekhyun, like he usually does, his other hand occupied by a bag of stationary he bought with Sehun. Their hands swing back and forth, Junmyeon talking animatedly, absent-minded towards Sehun’s staring. Baekhyun is nodding, but mostly spacing out while staring at a wall.

Junmyeon tells Baekhyun about a kiss scene in a drama he’s watching, and how he was annoyed about the timing of it. Baekhyun chuckles, gives his best friend a glance, and playfully flicks his nose. “Hyung, just enjoy the drama?”

“Never,” Junmyeon beams, flicking Baekhyun’s nose in retaliation. “I’m a good critique.”

Sehun’s eyes land on Junmyeon’s pink lips by mistake, and his mind is clouded by Junmyeon’s words. He thinks of the ‘perfect’ drama kiss. His arm around Junmyeon’s waist, or back, holding him, and kissing his lips, eyes closed. Junmyeon is either taken by surprise or is happy, either way, he closes his eyes after a second and returns the kiss.

Sehun struggled to sleep that night, mostly because of how his heart fluttered at the thought of it — it’s happened before. Sehun’s had a crush before, but not on a person he knows this closely. Not the person who he picks up groceries with, who comes in his mind almost at everything. It’s kind of scary.

There have been a handful of nights where Junmyeon, unable to fall asleep, a little desperate for sleep and some form of comfort, sneaked under Sehun’s blanket. Junmyeon would wiggle his leg in, and Sehun pulled him closer by his arm, entwined their fingers together, threw his one arm onto Junmyeon’s waist, and whispered a sleepy good night.

They don’t move much. Sehun takes up his whole bed, but when Junmyeon sleeps next to him, he’s so aware of his hands, he barely moves. He wakes up a little stiff, but Junmyeon’s grateful smile and the sweet little giggle from his lips make it worth it. He also wakes up to Junmyeon’s lovely face, his eyes closed, he snores in an endearing way, too soft to disturb anyone, but obvious in silence.

Sehun flops himself on his bed, holding back a whine as he thinks, almost shamelessly, of having Junmyeon in his bed, sitting between his legs. He thinks of the way he’ll have to bend down minutely to kiss Junmyeon’s lips, how Junmyeon might hold his neck with a single hand, and keep him in the position to kiss him better and deeper and smile into the kiss.

Sehun’s heart aches in his chest, his stomach twists tightly. 

Junmyeon also has a tendency to bite his lips, peel the dry skin off, which leaves his lips a little itchy and sensitive. He keeps chewing on the freshly peeled skin, Sehun remembers, which makes the skin red and swollen. Those are the worst days, because Sehun thinks of other ways Junmyeon’s lips can become a little swollen, and if he’ll have a silly smile on his face when someone points it out.

The door clicks open, interrupts Sehun’s train of thoughts, thankfully. Sehun looks at the door, finds Junmyeon waddling towards his bed with a tired frown on his face. He smiles at Sehun, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and Sehun wants to go to him, straddle his lap and listen to him rant about whatever’s going on in his mind.

“Tired?” Sehun sits up properly, folds one leg on under his leg.

Junmyeon tosses his bag on his chair, nods, and walks up to him. Sehun’s automatic reaction is to welcome Junmyeon in his arms, or at least hold his waist while Junmyeon talks. Junmyeon stands in front of him, brings him into a tight hug.

“So tired,” Junmyeon mutters. “Every class is boring, I had to listen to the teacher  _ and  _ Baekhyun and Yixing talking next to him. It was hard. That’s why I don’t multitask.”

Sehun chuckles. “Your brain gets tired of everything except for gay things.”

“That’s right,” Junmyeon laughs. He slips next to Sehun, in the opposite direction, one hand absently rests on Sehun’s upper thighs. He curves his back to rest his forehead on Sehun’s shoulder, another going around Sehun’s waist so he doesn’t fall back. “Everything gay gives me energy.”

“That better include me too,” Sehun isn’t sure if it’s flirting or not. He hopes Junmyeon asks him out first, or at least drops a hint that he returns the feelings, so he can stop thinking and yearning, finally do the things he’s been dreaming of. “I’m pan but that’s very gay of me.”

“It’s very gay of you, Sehunnie,” Junmyeon assures with a giggle. “You’re gayer than me, in fact.”

“Yes!” Sehun holds Junmyeon’s waist, locks his fingers there, rests his head on Junmyeon’s. “I’ll be kissing boys left and right, kissing tall boys, and short boys, and tall girls, and short girls, and tall non-binary folk, and short non-binary folk, and—”

“I get the point,” Junmyeon laughs. He tilts his head back to look at Sehun, a cute, shy smile on his face. “What about average height boys?”

“Them too,” Sehun beams. “Everyone gets a kiss.”

“If it doesn’t include your friends, you can walk away right now.”

Sehun pretends to stand up. Junmyeon gasps, tries to wiggle out of his arms, but Sehun holds him tighter, laughing as he complains about Sehun being mean to his own friends. Junmyeon even punches him lightly on his shoulder.

“I was kidding,” Sehun leans down and randomly presses a kiss on Junmyeon’s neck. “There. I told you everyone gets a kiss.”

***

Thinking is way too easy when all of Sehun’s friends encourage it. They say he has a ‘look’ on his face when he’s thinking about Junmyeon, or talking about him, and they tease him only long enough for Sehun to get frustrated and walk away. One of them jogs up to him, tells him they’re only teasing because they can see how much Junmyeon likes him back too, and all of that is funny to them.

It’s usually Chanyeol who’ll soothe Sehun’s frustration and bring him back to the group and continue talking. It’s also Chanyeol who elbows Sehun playfully and starts teasing.

When they aren’t in a group, though, Chanyeol is more… soft with his words. He needs someone else to be mean to Sehun, like an encouragement of sorts. Chanyeol pats Sehun’s back, chuckling. “You know you can, like, ask him out. He definitely likes you.”

“Have you asked him?” Sehun glares at Chanyeol, but he’s already thinking about how much better his life would be if he didn’t just wonder and actually kissed Junmyeon. “Did he tell you?”

Chanyeol frowns. “No.”

“Then you can’t assume, hyung,” Sehun’s pout is inevitable in these situations. “It’s happened before.”

“ _ Once _ ,” Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “If you don’t man up and ask Junmyeon out today, I’m going to ask him out.”

Sehun elbows Chanyeol. “‘Man up’ is toxic. Besides, you won’t do that.”

Chanyeol shrugs. “You don’t know that. You’ve got time till tonight.”

The problem is that Chanyeol is unreliable. He’s gone too far with his commitment. Sehun can’t take a risk. But even telling Junmyeon makes his fingers cold, his heart pounds against his ribcage painfully, and he wants to hide under a blanket or something. He texts Jongin about it, and Jongin’s stupid reply is ‘then do it under a blanket’ —  _ that’s very helpful, Jongin, thanks. _

Sehun even thought of calling Jongin to tell him how bad the idea was, but he hears footsteps outside the room. He scrambles to his bed, literally hides under his blanket. He isn’t sure what keeps him under the blanket, but the footsteps stop right outside his room, and the door clicks open.

“Sehunnie?” Comes Junmyeon’s voice. “Are you okay? Hiding from something or are you sick?”

Sehun takes a deep breath. He’s already here, might as well do it. He can’t trust Park Chanyeol, after all.

“Hyung, can you come here?”

Junmyeon doesn’t reply. The space next to Sehun dips, and there’s a hand on his stomach. “I’m here. Are you sick? I have some meds somewhere here.”

“No, no, I’m fine,” Sehun takes a deep breath. It does help that he can’t see Junmyeon’s face. “I, uh, have to tell you something?”

“Okay.”

Sehun has to mutter the words to himself first. Over and over again. It doesn’t help his poor heart that Junmyeon is so patient with him, he just absently strokes Sehun’s stomach through the layer of thick blanket as he waits.

“So I might have a crush on you,” Sehun finally says. Finally loud enough for Junmyeon to hear, he hopes. “For, um, seven months now, I think?”

Junmyeon laughs. “How many times did you say that?”

Sehun peeks from underneath the blanket. Junmyeon is smiling, he looks — Sehun’s heart leaps —  _ fond. _ Sehun gulps. “What?”

“I heard you say it, like, seven or eight times under the blanket,” Junmyeon pats Sehun’s stomach. 

“Uh, yeah, around ten times, I think.”

“Aren’t you cute,” Junmyeon cups Sehun’s cheeks, squeezes them. “Chanyeol told me he threatened you about something. Is this it?”

Sehun nods, instantly removes the blanket fully. Junmyeon withdraws his hand, grinning. He pouts. “He was very mean, I’m going to beat him up the next time I see him.”

He hasn’t forgotten that he’s confessed (finally) to Junmyeon about his feelings, but pretending that it didn’t happen is actually helping his nervousness. He sits up, crosses his legs, and huffs. “I’ll kick him in the balls.”

“I’d give him my sympathy but he kind of deserves it,” Junmyeon scrunches his nose cutely. “He’s my friend, but he’s annoying sometimes.”

Sehun desperately wants to ask what next. He likes Junmyeon, he’s told him about it, what now? Are they automatically boyfriends? Or should he ask that first? He shivers — does he have to wait and listen to Junmyeon try and calmly explain why he can’t be his boyfriend?

“Um,” Junmyeon bites on his lower lip. “I don’t know how to slip it smoothly into the conversation.”

_ This is it, _ Sehun thinks. He can hear his own heart breaking into pieces.  _ I’ll be fine. I’ll drink a couple of energy drinks and focus on studying for a few days, not see his face, and it’ll be okay. No biggie. Yeah. He can even let some energy out in beating Chanyeol up in a video game. Yeah. It’ll be fine. _

Junmyeon wiggles his hand weirdly, then wipes them on his jeans. “Oh god, this is so awkward.”

He starts playing with his fingers, awkwardly staring at his legs and the bed. Sehun wants to tell Junmyeon it’s okay if he doesn’t like him back, that they can move on, that he understands rejecting someone can be awkward. But he’s a little hopeful, so he waits patiently, staring at Junmyeon fidgeting.

“So, uh, I like you too?” Junmyeon looks at Sehun, unsure of himself. “I know I sound like I don’t know what I’m saying, but trust me I’m just… Yeah.”

“Does that,” Sehun gulps. “Does that mean we’re boyfriends already? Or do I have to ask you out or… something else?”

“Shouldn’t we know better?” Junmyeon chuckles. “We’re both in college, why is this so awkward?”

Sehun nods. “Because the movies lie to us, it’s not easy to ask someone out. They just say ‘hey I like you’ and move onto their wedding! What happens in between? How do you go from liking someone to marriage?”

“This is why we need more gay movies,” Junmyeon says. “Cishets don’t know shit.”

“Change your major, hyung,” Sehun teases. “Gay Movie Productions, directed and written by Kim Junmyeon. It has a nice ring to it.”

“You could never make them, I agree. Under The Blanket Productions where everything is made under the blankets, and there’s no rehearsal whatsoever. You’ll suck at it.”

“Hey!” Sehun pouts. He knows he started it, but that hurt. “ _ You _ are mean now. Maybe I should beat you up instead or Chanyeol hyung.”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes, still smiling. “Sehunnie, everyone knows it isn’t nice to beat your boyfriends.”

“It’s my kind of romantic,” Sehun shrugs. “Punch you to say I like you, kick you in the balls to say you’re hot, something like that.”

Junmyeon winces. “I was gonna ask you out, but I don’t think I should. That sounds painful.”

Sehun realizes his face is warm. He tries not to look surprised, and asks softly. “You were?”

“I-I guess.” Junmyeon fully turns to face him, biting on his bottom lip again. “I don’t know which is more… appropriate?”

“Uh, then, let me say one of them?” Sehun hates how awkward they’re being about this, but it’s amusing too. He can’t help the smile on his face. “Hyung, will you go out on a date with me?”

Junmyeon sighs in relief. “Thank god, mine is definitely better.”

Sehun whines. “Why are you like this?”

“I don’t want things to change,” Junmyeon mutters. “I keep worrying that it’ll be different after this.”

Sehun holds Junmyeon’s hands, laces their fingers. “It won’t, hyung, I promise. Maybe you’ll become more sappy, I don’t know about you, but I promise things won’t change. In a negative way, at least.”

Junmyeon huffs. “You  _ wish  _ for me to get sappier.”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” Sehun grins. “You won’t know unless you ask me.”

Junmyeon is a little hesitant at first, but he smoothly moves closer, shifts onto his knees, and cups Sehun’s cheeks. He opens his mouth to say something, but decides against it and brings Sehun’s face closer, pressing a kiss on Sehun’s lips instead.

Sehun holds Junmyeon’s waist, keeps him close, chases Junmyeon’s lips blindly and kisses him again. It feels so much better than his thoughts, he could kiss Junmyeon the whole day and not get tired of it.

Kissing Junmyeon feels a little like a roller coaster, like he’s just going up and up and they’ll never fall, but there’s a small pause, they breathe heavily, trying to catch their breaths. He feels Junmyeon’s lips again, kissing him, he’s kissing back, and it’s like the roller coaster is going down and his heart is too big for his chest. Junmyeon is close but not close enough, and he’s trying to pull him closer, but he can’t because Junmyeon is flush against him.

“Oh my god,” Sehun breathes when they finally break the kiss, finally open their eyes and stare at each other with wide eyes. “I think I’m gonna die.”

Junmyeon’s lips form a small smile. They’re a little swollen, just a little. Sehun is sure he’s going to lose his mind sooner or later.

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally just soft boys being soft boys AND IM SO PROUD OF THE KISS SCENE IT'S REALLY GOOD ISN'T IT :D
> 
> it started out to be a smol, 500 word drabble, and then i decided fuck it we're giving people happy endings in bad days like these! and i felt bad for the last two seho being angsty :D i hope you liked this!!!1 PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU DID!!!!!!!!!!!1 <3
> 
> (constructive criticism is welcome :D)
> 
> (my [twitter](https://twitter.come/royalkjmyeon) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/cherrykims))


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